Shit happens – 1

Shit happens…

A few years back a close relative of mine died, it was during my second year in college
and I had to travel 186 kilometers to reach for the funeral. So after 8 hours of class,
I packed my things, made some calls and caught the fastest bus Kerala government
offered. The journey started and within five minutes I got a familiar but unpleasant
sensation in my bowels… yes, I forgot to make a piss before leaving. I had 5 hours of
journey with a bladder ready to blast, through the trenches and gutters we called national
highway on a 15 year old bus that could get you septic if touched. I hated the ‘hot girl’
of my class for not letting me urinate during the break (we were talking).The bus neither
stop for a tea break nor for me to pee. I thought of calling my girlfriend to get distracted,
but remembered her unbeaten ability to turn me on during the most unlikely situations,
I gave it a rest. And after hours of torture and desperation I reached my destination.
Behind the overgrown bushes along with age old trees favored by the darkness, I found
my desire, my relief. When I walked in smiling, everyone present at the home of the
deceased was giving me wretched and interrogating looks, I shouted at them saying “you
have ‘no idea’ what I just went through”(well, mentally).

Not a day too far from the above incident, I was sitting in my department class where
a seminar was going on. It was raining outside and the faculty was storming inside.
Nobody was paying attention to her seminar on ‘what to wear during monsoon’ (or
something like that). I was dizzy due to my over sleep and was killing time scribbling. A
minute or two passed by when I experienced that pain, coming from way down.
That familiar pain of ant’s biting, this time in the most honorable places. I left a shriek
of pain which made my classmates shift their sleeping positions. I tried to calm down
thinking it’s just a single bloody ant playing with my joystick. The feeblest movements
down there panicked me and I couldn’t stop thinking how they got into my underwear.
It took only seconds to realize that it wasn’t the work of a single person but an entire
ant colony was eating away my thing, I should have stayed free*.My masculinity was at
stake. I wanted to scream and run away, but the ‘pain in the ass’ seminar was at its full
swing, so was the rain. Realizing it as a ‘do or die’ situation, I got up and said some made
up reason to excuse myself and stormed out of the room. I reached hostel, drenched in the
rain and liberated my self from the horny ants (no offence) and the hazardous underwear.
When I was comforting myself I understood ‘what not to wear during monsoon’…

* stay free- the act of not wearing underwear

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Comments
4 Responses to “Shit happens – 1”
  1. Great post thanks. I really enjoyed it very much. You have excellent content on your blog.

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  2. Sana Rose says:

    That was awesome! 😀 A hilarious take on shit and very much in the frank category 🙂 I love the simplicity and humorous presentation. A good read on something anyone of us could go through. No doubt shit happens 😀

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